Monday, December 25, 2006

'tis the season

Optimism. It's that word that most people tend to forget during this Christmas season. Everyone seems to be down in the dumps and do not feel Christmas anymore. They think about the things that make them sad and this usually brings more depression. Some think of the relatives and friends that they miss, while some worry about how much they have spent for the season (and they're trying to find ways to gain it back).

Nonetheless, we should still be optimistic. Heck, this is the only time we get to have an excuse to spend and give other people gifts. And yes, we get to receive gifts also. But beyond all these things, there is that sense of HOPE which makes everyone feel better about themselves during this season. That's all I have for the serious part.

Anyway, this Christmas season has been more than unusual. I have just finished with POC (I'm glad that's finished... no more stress and hello social life) and to top it all off, I got my payment na. Whoopee! Then, another new thing is that I'd be buying gifts for different people. Shopping for gifts here I come! Lastly, the dinner (Circles or Le Souffle) with the Bobets would be that icing on the cake. I can't wait. :D

Sunday, December 17, 2006

that dream

I have been so pessimistic about my life that I always believed that bad things would happen if they're given an opportunity to happen. Well, I could say I was optimistic about school but when I got home, it felt like my energy has been sucked out and entropy would just happen. It was so dark and I did not care.

But after having that dream I realized that I really felt this certain way. I've always said that I'm okay with my parents being seperated since they seem like it. Then, I had a dream where in that really happened. All I can remember is that I felt so bad that I cried and got this umbrella to go out and soak myself in the rain. But of course I did not use the umbrella. I woke up feeling so bad and realizing I wanted to change. I wanted to hang out with my parents and just have fun with them. This is the perfect season.

I want to change. Optimistic Jay here we come. Things will get better... woohoo!

a little inspiration

I think I want to be Catholic. Yes, I am Catholic but I'm only such because I was born one. But after thinking about it, I realized that I have been so adamant about my own religion to the point that there was no way it was going to win against other religions. I was biased in such a way that I did not want Catholicism to be right. But then after thinking about it, I realized that I would want to love my religion. My friend told me that 'how can you love other religions when you have a hard time loving your own religion.'

It was, in a way, an easier path to take. Just change your religion 'coz it was the most convenient. But I do not want to take that road, I'm inspired to stay the way I am. I'm inspired to believe... and all thanks to people younger than me. I never imagined I'd stay with being Catholic at the end of the day. It feels good.

a night with the crew

There are just moments in ones life when you would love to sit in the Bellarmine field and just talk with your friends. I say this because I just found it very relaxing to sit with the bobets in the Bel field last night. You just talk. You know that feeling when you can stay there for a long time without any worries and just chill. Aaahhh... it feels so relaxing.

After all the hustle and bustle of everyday work in school and theatre, I somehow needed some time to just chill and stop for a moment. I needed the world to pass by me and not the other way around (me passing by the world). There was that feeling inside of me that made me want to: feel the moist grass, hear the Christmas Carols being played in the Gesu, smell the bibingka being cooked in front of the Gesu, look at the stars twinkling in the night sky, savor the company of the bobets (aka retard, pangit, bobo, and care bear).

There are just moments in our life. And last night, it was the moment of Simbang Gabi in Ateneo. Haaay... it makes me feel good to be alive.

updates from my world

school: Can you please end now? I promise to do better after the Christmas break ends.

theatre: My current production is about to end and that means that I would be idle for a month before my next audition. Woohoo. It's been a tiring production but I have to give it to them for giving me experience. I got half of my payment. First paycheck... woohoo! Anyway, being in seperate productions, the Bobets Crew have realized they are attached with each other.

friends: I haven't been hanging out with some of them but I have been constantly hanging out with the Bobets. The Bobets rock! I'm gonna miss them during the Christmas break which means that we hafta go out during that break (Christmas dinner). We watched a TA play last night and we hated and liked it at the same time. It was good but it was too long. Haha. Anyway, the Ateneo is so beautiful at night.

The loser is back from Canada. David just called me the other day to tell me he's back. Yey! It would already be cool to hang out even just for one day since we're kinda busy. Woohoo!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

FREAK-ing tired

This month is just so tiring. I feel like I'm one of those zombies in Michael Jackson's Thriller video. Why would I say that? Well, it's all because I feel like I have no energy at all and I always want to sleep during whenever. All I know is, I'm freaking tired.

This is how a typical day works. I wake up at 6:30 to arrive in school for my 7:30 class. Then, I have classes 'til 4:30 or 5:30. After that, I meet up with Bym to go to Makati for rehearsals. We get take-out from McDo and then rehearsals last from 7pm to either 11pm or 12pm. Then we go to McDo again to eat (coz we're freaking tired and hungry). Then I get home at 2 to wake up at 6:30. I feel so dead right now.

Next week, we'll be having rehearsals in CCP already. That's going to be exciting and tiring. Hay... I shall take rehearsal pictures next week. Woohoo!

P.S. I learned from Jill that Rep Phil. is having auditions for their new musical on Feb. Woohoo! Can't wait for that. Booya! :p

Sunday, December 03, 2006

amats at last

Woohoo! I finally got to drink after two weeks. I was so thirsty I couldn't wait. Anyway, I went to cantina yesterday with the Bobo crew. We were supposd to drink but it ended up with Me and Bym finishing 3 pitchers of Zombie. The bobo crew weren't in the mood except for the two of us. Then it was off to the Fort with Karen. We ordered some weng-weng which I also had to finish 'coz the others didn't want to drink na. Issa and Annie were kinda late. Becs was early and drinking beer agad. Wahaha.

Anyway, I got amats agad at 12. So I had to go home. Woohoo! Wednesday ulit. My turn to mix the drinks. :p

Friday, December 01, 2006

messy no more

Last time I wrote here, I had a dilemma on whether I should push through with HSM or not. Well, I didn't. It was one of the toughest decisions I had to make. I was already in the callbacks room learning the song and when the clock struck 5:50, I knew I had to leave. I had to go because I had another rehearsal for another play (which I have already committed to). I gave my music sheet to someone else and told him I had to leave. To add insult to injury, one girl commented 'are you serious? you're passing up this chance.' Damnit! Do you think I want what I'm doing?! I kinda have no choice you know.

Anyway, the results were out and only 2 of us in the group got in. Phew! I feel good now since I would have quit anyway because I didn't have anyone to hang out with. There are more productions next year. Oli, Bym and I have agreed to do Rep workshops for summer. Exciting!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

messy messy

First of all, I just want to share that I've got my first job. It's a job for an opera play and the cast is small which means more stage exposure. Haha. Anyway, for most people this would seem as a hassle. But I think that it's kinda fun especially the walk and trip to Makati for rehearsals. And this I have to say, I'm starting to get attached to the people in the play (to think it's just been two days). Haha. And after rehearsals, we get to eat a lot because of too much physical activity (the trip to the place and rehearsals). Woohoo.

Anyway, I auditioned last saturday for another production and I got callbacks. On one hand, I'm happy that I got callbacks because it means I'm one step closer to reaching my goal of being part of High School Musical. Also, my other friends would be there. On the other hand, I wish I just did not get callbacks because it would mean that I might have to drop the opera play. Crap.

Hopefully, they allow me to do both. Woohoo, it's as if I don't have studies. Great.

Oli was telling me about how she is attached to our little gang in Rep. I agree, I feel the same way too. I'm gonna miss those guys when I graduate. Hahaha. :p

Sunday, November 19, 2006

stuck... and i can't get out of it

Come on now! Are you freaking serious?! That's all I want to say to myself.

I have just finished reading a friend's blog and I'm just really frustrated. Here's the deal. I'm in Bio. That means that I have two options. Either be a medicine student or biology teacher. But since I don't think being a biology teacher is really my calling, that's out of the window. So now, I'm stuck with being a doctor and that's ten years from now.

Three years ago, I had no idea on what I wanted to be. I could have taken the easy road and just shifted to ME and be a manager of some company then start my own business. Heck, I can crunch those numbers well anyway. But I didn't. I stuck to bio and now, shifting is out of the question. But the thing is, I realized I wanted to be a person in entertainment (art, music, theatre or what have you). But it's too late for that.

When you have finally found that one thing that you know YOU SHOULD do, the circumstances suddenly don't seem to be on your side. I'm hating it whenever I have to study freaking circles under the microscope and name them. I enjoy it when I perform and sing and learn. That for me is the most important thing... I learn. And the reason for that is my openness to learning the craft.

I used to say that I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to take care of my family and friends. But I think I've changed. I'm starting to become materialistic. I have to flush this out of my system.

Anyway, I'm just hoping that it's true that God has a plan for us because I really want to be assured that I am going to have an okay life in the future. So that's it. Good luck to me.

gambling isn't all that bad

Here we go peeps! I have bets with different people just make me motivated for the sem to come. Woohoo.

The one with paul and jordan is just about being DL. Nothing is really hanging on the line. It's more of a deal between people.

Next, we have the one with Karen which she is currently backing out on 'coz she feels I might actually get higher then her this sem (as if that's gonna happen). Anyway, it was supposed to be that the loser treats the winner to dinner in Circles. Hahaha.

Last, we have the one with Mian and Bym where the one with the lowest QPI gets to be called 'bobo' for a sem. Isn't that dandy and fine huh?! Wahaha.

So that's all for now. Oh yeah, I'm having a difficult time deciding on what songs to sing for the auditions. This is freaking crazy. Crazy I tell you! Crazy!

click

dang. i never thought i would cry by watching click. well, i did. waaah, to think that it is about family and all that. haaay... I guess I'm just scared to be like adam sandler because doctors seem to have no time for the children.

here we go

The auditions are fast approaching and five of us will be there. I am nervous because I have no idea what to expect. But it's okay since I'll be auditioning with sabbers, ernestine, bymo, and carol. Haha. I hope we all get in *crosses-fingers* so we could have more bonding moments.

Oh yeah, I wanna watch Happy Feet. Hahaha. Cute penguins!

i wanna cry because

I just talked to a friend and he has amats and I don't. Haha. I wanna drink right now and there's nothing in the fridge. sucky. i'm like one week out of it. waaahh... bad feeling. that's it.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

tribute to the first years

I just realized that I haven't really written about them so far. Thus, I decided to write about them. Haha. Okay, the usual group consists of six people. These are the people who are always present when we go out. But there are others who also come at times so that makes us like around eleven.

I have to write about this 'coz I find it freaking hilarious.
1. I have a bet with two friends from BS psych on who will get the highest QPI. So basically, the one who gets the lowest QPI will be called 'bobo' for one sem. It's just so sad to be called that. Haha... but we find it funny (considering it's someone else who gets called that).

2. The six people who I said normally came (including me) have this BEAM challenge. It's where you sing the BEAM theme song without laughing. And we invented different levels for it. As of now we have four and I'm the only one who has reached the fourth level. Basta... it's really really funny. A while ago, we were doing it in the middle of G4 while waiting for the sundo to pick us up. Wahaha.

3. Okay, I just have to say that we are all 'makapal' and we can't back out on dares. Backing out on dares is just a no-no. Anyway, while we were in timezone, we decided to play pranks on people. There was this guy who was playing the basketball thing and two friends of mine went up to him to ask if he was LA Tenorio. Then these two friends of mine would shout that LA Tenorio was there. Then the rest of us would go to him and ask him for autographs. I was the one telling them to take a pic with the supposed LA guy. Haha funny. We also did one on a guy playing a boxing game (Manny Pacquiao anyone?).

4. We were in the MRT and since it was a long trip there, my freaking kulit friend suddenly wants to form a circle an sing. Uhhh... so we did. We had our circle and we were singing HSM songs and even Christmas songs. Hahaha. We also dared each other to shout "Go Manny!" or "Para Sa'yo and Laban na Ito" or "Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!" Just so you know, we actually did it. Oh yeah, we also said goodbye to everyone who was leaving the train (and hello to the ones entering). They must have thought we were crazy. Haha.

5. Oh yeah, instead of watching Casino Royale, we ended up watching Huwag Kang Lilingon. 'Coz they thought the Bond guy was ugly. 4 girls on 2 boys. We lost. Haha. We ended up shouting the whole time.

So there, we actually did all that in a day. My crazy friends are the best. They're just as crazy as me which makes it all the more better.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

a day in school... make that two days

So classes have already started and it's been going well considering that I have only been there for only two days. I've been seeing a lot of people already and I'm going out this Friday and Saturday (wahahaha... so much for being serious).

Anyway, my history class is so-so but I guess I can deal with it since history hasn't been a problem subject of mine. Then there's philosophy. Well, as some of you may know I have a different teacher and so I had to accept whatever it is that comes my way. We have labor trials... uhh... okay. The only thing good about it is that I have okay groupmates. Great. Haha. Microbiology lecture is kinda boring but hey at least I get to bug Issa and Gel from time to time just because I have nothing else to do. Haha. Cel and Mol Bio lab is the subject I hate the most. Dapat is such an uptight, weird, irritating teacher. In other words, I don't like him. Oh yeah, and I got groupmates who I don't even know (they're all seniors except for Fil).

Second day... cel mol lec is okay. I met a new friend. Haha. He coincidentally is also a friend of King. That's why I thought he was familiar. Then foreign lang. It was okay. The teacher is okay. Nothing special. Except for the fact that the girl who lost my grammy jacket is my blockmate (and seatmate... can that get any worse?).

So there... only microbiology lab is left and I'd have met my teachers already after that. This sem seems to be promising. It should be!!! I have bets/dares/deals with Paul, Karen, Jordan and (insert name of anyone who will dare me again). I'm gonna be DL. Just you wait!

finale for the mind

Trying to get over someone (was/is/will) never (be) easy.
It (taked/takes/will) take time, patience, and even sacrifice.
Hmmm...
But if you think she's the one, why even try getting over her?

She's the one... no questions asked.

Trying to be her man (was/is/will) never (be) easy.
It (taked/takes/will) take time, patience, and even sacrifice.
And I am willing to go through all that.
Finally.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

name game

Okay... i missed this. but i just want to write about it before I prepare for my hosting job. If you call me...

RJ: You are one of my uncles or aunts (father's side)
Kuya RJ: You are my cousin (father's side)
Rafa: You are either my teacher in art during fourth year high school or Uzzi
Raf: You are either my high school tennis coach (Gee) or one of my teammates in HS
Carandang: You were a grade school classmate
Jacob: You have been a classmate of mine in high school
Jay-R and B: You are either Bym or Paje
Puzzler: You are David (high school classmate)
Loser/Pangit: You are David (college buddy)
J-boy: You are my high school classmate, my uncle or aunt (mother's side), the friend of my high school classmates, one of my college friends who find it cute to still call me by that kiddie name (Chols, Mags, Kor, Paul, etc.)
Bata: You are Ann who thinks I'm a kid
Usher friend: You are sanndra (you rock! hahahha).
Jay: You are my cousin (mother's side), a college friend, or rep person

So there... I especially like Jay-R and B, J-boy, Puzzler, Usher friend and Bata (kidding about the bata).:p

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

auditions and having a grudge

Auditions are coming soon (as in 4 days away soon). Me and mah friends are preparing for it already eventhough there's like three of us (from last sem's play) who are auditioning. I don't know if there are others but that's who I know so far (i'm considering those whom i'm close to in the previous cast). So there. We have been looking scavenging for minus ones from 12 til now because we just found out we can't sing a capella. Hahaha. Booya!

I already got my songs so it's all good. I'm nervous. Sana I get in 'coz it's like a big thing. And it being a big thing is a big thing for me. Haha.

On another note, watched The Grudge 2 with some friends. Man, was it freaky. I hate that movie, my friend and I were freaked in a lot of parts. I hate those ghosts. I even imagined them last night. I'm such a child

Sunday, November 05, 2006

adapting... but then again no

I told myself to change my voice to adapt to the production. High and very mousey.

Then, I realized... I would be the one having a hard time if I actually get a part with that type of voice.

I'll just stick to my own voice. Haha.

waiting for endlessness

Patience is not mine
It is only borrowed
I'm tired
Of waiting for nothing

Shall it come in time?
There is not enough time
And fatigue has set in
and I worry

There is nothing
No more patience
No more time
No more energy

Only insanity is left
That is the only thing
I can hold on to
I'm trying my best

Pardon the crazy fool for thinking
Hoping the insanity saves him
In this endlessness that is felt
You are felt

finding your old self

You have let him down thinking
You were the only one he can depend on
The kid looked up to you
You were what he idolized

But you let him down
And now the confusion is in him
You used to make him laugh
You always protected him

And now, you don't seem you
You have changed
You are more apart than you think
He has looked up to you

But you let him down
And he wants the old you back
You only make him weep
Please come back... please

flames and tears

Days when the mind and body
just cannot take anymore
And you have filled yourself
with too much

You burst into flames
It will eat you up
Sometimes wishing it will
remove itself from you

These days you douse yourself
in water to let it die
But the flames never stop
It continues to live in you

You wait for the day
When you break from yourself
And hope that your tears
will extinguish the fire

on sundays

For most people, Sunday is family day. But for me, it's the day I'd rather be away from my family. I hate it when I have to go to mass just because (yes, that's the reason... just because i have to). I've told them time and again that I do not want to go to church because I'd end up daydreaming and not listening to whatever the priest is saying. So in other words, it's useless.

Anyway, Sundays would usually mean having arguments for the longest time until either me or my dad gives up. But since we both think we're right (eventhough he's not... haha), we end up not resolving the issue. This means that we just can't wait for the next week to have another fight. Gaaahhh... I'm hating this day. I'm not ranting about my current situation. I'm just telling a story. If words can shout... these words would be popping out of the screen right now.

Friday, November 03, 2006

hosting and stuff

I went to meet with some people regarding this debut that I am supposed to be co-hosting with two other people plus a DJ. Haha. The debut seems to be fun since we have to dress up in formal clothes (blazers and all that) but we have to be in denim pants. Anyway, the people I met with have this company that kinda organizes events uch as concerts, functions, or such events. And they're telling me I should try hosting to earn money while I'm young. Actually, that's not a bad idea if I think about it. Everything is about experience and I need as much exposure as I can get. Booya!

Anyway, I just feel like I am in such a wrong course right now. But on the other hand, I think I'm gonna regret not pursuing my current course. So there. I guess the entertainment side of my life will just be a sideline. You know what, this is a good thing. At least the medical side of my life is getting a little sympathy from me. I'm not shutting it out as much as before. Why? 'Coz a lot of my friends are telling me to pursue it. Great.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

the (insert name) day project

I was just reading the caterpillar card my friends gave me. It's funny how I can't turn it over because of my ugly picture which they put as the caterpillar head. Haha. You have gotta love them for doing that. The messages each put were very unique from each other (which made it even more meaningful). Anyway, the basis beyond Jay Day is that we (Mel and I) wanted a day wherein people would make us happy for a whole day (and not get one year older). But of course, it's kinda impossible to make someone happy for 24 hours so we put it down a notch by making the person happy sometime during the day.

Anyway, we're already done with Ann, Paul, Shar, and Me. So that leaves Mel, Carla, Jordan, and Obe. I guess I have plan one of those people's day. And it's supposed to happen within this year. So we've gotta work it (in its literal sense... baah... it doesn't even make sense). Hahaha.

And after this year, a new year comes our way. Wohoo! Another special day for me.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

struggles... that's just the way it is.

I've pretty been vocal about my stand in terms of my beliefs. I'm not the biggest fan of Catholicism that's why I get into some arguments with my parents. They're the type of parents who never miss a Sunday, have an hour of prayer morning and night, and serve in mass. So in other words, they love Catholicism very much.

With this situation comes that struggle within me. My personal beliefs are very different from beliefs that I have to pretend to believe in the house. Gaaah. I'm like one of those Asians who migrated to America when they were young. They do not know whether they're American or Asian. It results in an identity crisis. It's like I'm not sure I belong anywhere. And for the past few months, I haven't really thought about my faith. Dude, I thought about it like .5 out of 100 times in the past few months. So there definitely was a problem.

Yesterday, I went to this worship thingee for a group of Christian youths. And when I got into the hall, I felt like I'm not supposed to be there because I was an outsider. I couldn't really do the things they were doing because (well I didn't know what they were singing) it was my first time to attend such an event.

Then I was really trying to lay low. I mean, I wanted to not stand out being Catholic and all that. But lo and behold, they asked who the firt timers were and guess who they found as their first 'victim?' It wasn't me. Naaah... just kidding. It was me. Hahaha. Wala lang, I felt so shy for the first time and they even had to point the video cam towards me (so my face was being shown on these big-ass projection screens). Gaaah.

So what's my point? Don't go to such events. Kidding again. Haha. I just want to say that I learned something (that I learned before but seemed to forget). And I'll always try to remember that. It's all about the faith and the relationship. I know that it would never be smooth sailing but I just have to try. And I'm gonna freakin' try hard.

Friday, October 27, 2006

on ranting and things I can't wait to do

I hate it when people rant about their life. I mean, ranting would not really make your situation better. In fact, you'd just get frustrated and depressed. All I can say is that if you're stuck in a rut, face it. Just deal with it because there's no other way out.

I'm going to this soulstop thingee later with 3 friends. I have no idea what people there do. But hey, it's always nice to have new experiences. Well, the new experiences plus the fact that I get to go out and watch a movie with them after a long time. Booya!

I miss my rep group. Even if I'm the oldest (and they call me kuya to tease me), I still think they're cool to hang out with. I hope we can go out on Nov. 4! I can't wait! Party time. These freshmen are wilder than my junior friends. Heck, I love these guys. They rock. Hehehe.

stuff that I have in my mind

Everytime i watch grey's anatomy, I can't help but feel emo. Dang. It's like I can see my destiny as some doctor stuck in a hospital for hours trying to learn the most that I can from one shift. And there's the part where I wouldn't get to hang out with my friends that much anymore. For me, that's the suckiest part of it all. I would only get to see them siguro twice a month and more than that if I'm lucky. Boo, that sucks.

So there. I'm guessing I'd have like my friends cut down to just three groups. bio peeps, bench peeps, and my group in rep. Booya! Wait, I forgot my group who I'd probably meet in med school (crap... getting to know na naman). I love being a pre-med student... well... uh... not really. Booya!

On another note, I’ve just had one of those reflecting days that I usually have from time to time. It started out with a statement that a friend of mine said. It went some thing like ‘Give me one friend of blah blah who doesn’t backstab blah blah.’ And I was stumped by that statement. It was so true that I had to reflect on it. What I realized is that I do get to diss this ‘friend’ of mine from time to time. And what’s bad about this is that everyone is doing what I’m doing (which means everyone disses my friend).

Now, I can say that I never diss on my friends (with blah blah as the exception). If that’s the case, then is blah blah really my friend? I really don’t know. I want to consider blah blah as a friend but it doesn't mean that it is the case. I'll just go with whatever.

By the way, the new albums of John Legend, JoJo, and P. Diddy are very good. They’re my favorite albums of the moment.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

signature word and productions

I've been thinking of a signature word for me. And I've decided that it's Booya. I've always loved using that word. So there. It isn't the most original expression in this freaking world. But hey, at least I have one. Haha. Booya!

I can't wait for the upcoming productions. I have two productions to audition for. Well they are the same play but I will audition for both since the playdates are on different dates. The first one will be around february or march. While the other one would be August next year. Considering that there would be no productions for me during the first sem next year, it's good that I'll also audition for STAGES.

I'm excited. Aaaaaahhhhh! I'd get to hang out with my friends again and rehearsing with them is the best. Booya!

grades schmades

I just saw my grade in Embryology Lecture and I got a C. So there. I'm freaking one point away from a C+. Blah. The average of the class is C so I guess I did... well... uhmm... average. Isn't that dandy and fine?! Not really.

Anyway, I have to say that I'm getting mediocre grades for the first sem. And believe me, with the effort I gave, I should be thankful I even got those grades. It's what you call a balance between theatre and the chillax mode. So I don't think I'd be getting anything good from that acadmically speaking. I don't blame those two because I chose them. I chose to do theatre (and continue it with such gusto) and do the chillax mode for a sem just so I can gain my strength and give it all for the next few sems left in my college life.

I needed that rest (considering that I'll be studying until I'm 30 because of medicine). That's all I can say. I'm not sourgraping. I'm content.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

semestral break!

Woohoo... come on! Sem break is here. Let's do it! Party na. I'm excited.

Tomorrow's a start. I'll be going out with my gang in the cast. We're having lunch then watch our first movie together. Woohoo! I'm excited. This was supposed to be for Sab's despidida... but she won't be able to come na yata. She's inggit daw. Haha. Next time na lang Sabbie!

After that, it's off to Tagaytay with my drinking buddies. Saturday to Monday. Ahlavet. I think there'd be 9 of us. It's another fun two nights of being sabog and all that. I can't wait.

Then, I'm off to a movie with Chengster to try out that new mall. Haha. We'll see if anyone else wants to join us. That'd be fun. We're planning to do a movie marathon in someone's house pa. Yey!

Then, I shall have my second hosting job. It's for the experience. But I'm kinda nervous 'coz there's gonna be a lot of Ateneo peeps. Haha.

Oh yeah, I was just emailed by stages. They're gonna text me about the auditions. So two prodcutions coming up. Ahlavet.

My family hasn't planned where to go yet for the sembreak. I don't wanna go anywhere far. Haha. Coz I'm sure I would be missing a lot of inuman sessions. Haha.

That's it. This sembreak looks promising as of now. Ahlavet.

a semester in review

The semester has FINALLY ended. Did I get the grades I wanted? No. Did I get the grades I deserve? Yes. Did I have fun? Yes... considering that I didn't exert any effort and got to accomplish things not related to academics. And, I got to have totally new experiences.

So what happened during the sem? Hmmm...
1. I was able to have a close relationship with my Biology peers. We went out almost every weekend. I love them (Queens on Fire and Group Pic). They rock.
2. I spent a lot of time out with my two drinking buddies. And I always seem to be the entertainment of these two. Haha.
3. I got to join a play which is a wonderful experience. I met new people and better yet, I have another set of friends (The Gang). They rock too.
4. I got to hang out with different people sa bench. The bench peeps are wonderful. All the eating and sometimes, the stupid conversations. Or just chilling... relaxing. Makes you not want to study anymore. Haha.
5. I patched things up with an ex-enemy. Booya.
6. I hated my course more. Why am I here? Oh yeah, I'll be a doctor someday. Pfft.
7. I hated philo... then loved it... then I'm now neutral about it (depending on the final grade).
8. I just spent the whole sem in my chillax mode... no studying... great.
9. Started my private journal that I write on occasionally. Just pure realizations, experiences and observations.
10. I drank my heart out. As Merc's book says, 'there is too much blood in my alcohol system.' Booya.
11. New friends like Merc and Tina. :p
12. Lost contact with my faith. Pfft.

Central theme: Change within my inner self and expanding my horizons.

Was it all good? Well, I wouldn't really exchange my experiences for anything since this is what made me, me. But, could it have been better? Yes, I don't deny that. But it is my journey so I have to face it. 'Til next sem.

as Daniel Powter says...

I had my worst day yesterday. That day just sucked. It seemed as if I was one of those people that have been picked to be super unlucky just for fun.

Here's what happened:
1. I woke up and opened my computer to get pictures from my multiply. Then I find out that the phone is down. So much for DSL.
2. I went to school to just use the CTC computers so that I can transfer my pictures to my camera. Uh... I couldn't transfer it for some reson I don't know.
3. The person who borrowed my oh-so-precious grammy jacket texted me to tell me she lost it. She said she was going to pay for it. She did... after waiting for her for 3 hours.
4. I was playing with my cam and the cover falls off and I couldn't find it na.
5. I got a C+ in my orals because I didn't practice.
6. I went to People are People to find the same jacket... out of stock.
7. I went to F&H to find a jacket like that... no size.
8. I went to check my ATM account... it got depeleted to a measly 500 pesos. Glitch daw. It's back na.
9. I got home to find out na no internet pa rin.
10. I was throwing my handkerchief towards my bed... and for some reason, my thumb gets into the electric fan (uh... my thumb has this minor cut... haay)
11. At 10, I finally got to study theo... and I fell asleep.

I just slept and woke up hoping for a better day.

Monday, October 16, 2006

random thoughts

It's weird. There's this feeling of emptiness inside of me. It's this emptiness that wants to long for something it doesn't know. Haaay... I guess I haven't had that many conversations recently. It's weird that I feed so much on conversation. I can't even stop speaking in class. I guess this mouth of mine just needs to talk a lot.

On another note, I am planning another lunch or dinner out with my friends in the cast. I hope the whole gang can come now. Hehe.

Oh yeah, the next production would be High School Musical. Shucks, I can't wait. I saw the song list and it was amazing. I'm not wishing on becoming lead because of my workload in 2nd sem. But if it comes, why not?! Haha.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

the nineties

Man evolves. But to add to that, the things that makes man entertained evolves. I could remember listening to any pop song that gets into the daily Top 20 of MTV Asia Hitlist or (I know you know this) Vid-OK countdown on SKy Cable channel 19. It was then replaced by MYX (without VJ's). Then after that, we have the entertainment we have now.

I have been downloading the different pop songs that I used to enjoy when I was a kid. Yes, I do not use the radio anymore. No more recording of FM stations. And, I get the lyrics from the net not by the 'pause and play' method. Haha. Anyway, what's funny about all these 90's songs is that I still know their lyrics. That just shows how I was so into the 90's pop era. From the Backstreet Boys to Aqua (I dare not name the other bands that would make me look really baduy... as if I'm already not by saying Aqua).

I liked the nineties and how it was all about having fun in music. We were happy go lucky people who just cared about the catchiness of the tunes. But now, we have engrossed ourselves in depressing songs (heartbreaks, longing for someone, etc.) that make us feel bad about our own situations. I don't know, I guess the music we have goes with the mood of the whole country.

Wow, from music to country... only in this blog.

Friday, October 13, 2006

On a lazy Friday night

A month has passed and a lot has happened. First, I just want to say that 'Hope for the Flowers' has just ended. It means there are no more rehearsals for me. On one hand, I finally get to have time for myself and the people around me. However, I started missing some of my castmates. That is the reason I have been planning these lunch outs with some of my close friends in the cast. We had two lunches so far and that's good. :D

Next, I finally settled things with my ex-enemy and we're okay now. I think we communicate better compared to my other friend, if i say so myself. This leads me to think that I know so many people but they're just that. There's nothing going on with them.

I realized that I keep on complaining about how I have so many shallow relationships. Then I realized, it's because I never really did anything about these friendships or what have you. I just let them rot there and hope they can float on their own.

Anyway, the main point of this entry is how I get to hang out with my group in the cast. The thing is, I'm the only third year student there because everyone is first year. Oh well, at least everyone thinks I'm young. Fine, it's either that or I'm just the same height as some freshmen. Haha.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

after rehersal events

Today, I got home at 7. Yes, 7 in the morning. Why? Because we went out after rehearsals. The after rehearsals dinner and drinking was fun because I finally got to bond with my castmates outside of rehearsals. You realize that these people do the same things that you do (which makes it more fun) and it's funny you only meet them later in life. And you know that moment when you tell yourself that you wanna hang out more with these people because you guys seem to click. Well, I think it happened again to me. The most fun part is when, after all the drinking and dancing, we just stayed at one of our friends' house and chilled there. We were just playing board games/singing to different songs and waiting for the sun to shine. Haha. It was really cool that we were just at the third floor of the house with nobody in the house except us. I'm sure there would be more nights like that. It really had a fun time.

But for this entry, I just want to point out the realization of constantly finding new friends and how nothing is permanent. Fine, you get to keep some of them but you never get to keep all of them. But would it still be the same if it is not complete? Maybe it is. I want to believe it is. I do not want to write such realizations because I don't want the idea of impermanence to be permanent.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

conversations

Recently, I haven't had any decent conversations with people. I do have little bits of chit-chat with people but that is it. Nothing deeper than the trivial stuff you usually hear from people on a normal 'let's talk for fun' day. It's as if each day of my life is wasted in a routinary life where I have to talk to people in a getting-to-know-you stage. I do not know if you would get me but that is what I am feeling right now. It's like I'm this person who has so many things to say but I do not have anyone to say it too. I blame circumstance for that. The people I usually talk to about these things have been super busy or have moved out of the country (which means less conversation time).

I guess it is the cycle of relationships. You meet people and have pseudo-deep relationships with them until it is time to move on again. Then you have to meet new people again. It is tiring and tedious.

I need conversation so I wouldn't have to talk inside my mind.

Monday, September 04, 2006

First musical play

In one month, I'm going to debut in my first real play ever. Fine, I did class plays and the like but this play is different. No grades or teachers. Just pure performance for the sake of performing. I would have not imagined myself being part of any play because I was never really into performing in front of people. And calling me a thespian would be comparable to calling roger federer a sucky tennis player.

Anyway, I'm excited about the play and I'm glad I did it. I love the play, I love the people I'm working with (very important), and I love what I'm doing. For the first time in my college life, I'm doing something. I didn't quit! Booya! Hope to see you guys there. This play is really nice. :)

I'll tell you the details next time. :)

Friday, August 11, 2006

reflections on a friday night

Come to think of it, my philo classmates might think that I am an anti-God for trying to question His existence. But of course, I want to believe that I am doing it to strengthen my faith in him. Unfortunately, a lot of people have a hard time giving satisfying answers resulting in me having less faith than what little I used to have.

I do not have a strong faith when it comes to religion. Fine, I might be able to defend my own beliefs but that does not mean that I have a strong faith. There is this constant "growth" in my own beliefs that one time I believe in God and the next time, I wouldn't. Right now, I'm seriously the latter. I'll give you a better picture of what is happening.

A few months ago, I would pray in the chapel for a few minutes (even for just 5 minutes), talk with people about my faith, read the bible from time to time, and go to church every Sunday. But right now, I never go to the chapel, talk about my faith, read the bible (unless I am the prayer leader for theo), go to mass regularly. To add to that, I have been cursing a lot of times and drinking on a constant basis (although I can rationalize that).

Anyway, I just had to write it down because for the first time in months, I am relaxing on a friday night. Do I want to change? I do not know. I seriously do not know if it is worth it. I feel so heavy right now just thinking about this. Is it guilt? or maybe I just need to get used to it. Whatever it is, I have to find a conclusion soon.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

oil and water

Just as much as oil doesn't mix with water, i don't mix with jazz dancing. I had dance rehearsals a while ago and it was really weird for me. The feeling of having to do ballet-like moves were so awkward. Boo.

Anyway, I have this feeling that I would get a sucky role because I wouldn't be able to go to tuesday and thursday rehearsals because of my philo class. Oh well, as of now, everything is a learning experience. Obviously that would the case for me since I have no experience in theatre at all. Wahaha. I'll just give my best in each task. Remember, everything is a test. Yuck... that sounded like some local reality show.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

rainy days make me feel fine

Sometimes, it's not always about being happy. There are times when you just have to sit down on the couch and be sad. I don't know. When I am happy, I start to forget everything. I am caught in the moment and that moment is the only thing I am thinking about. But when I am sad, I become sentimental. I remember a lot of things and I start to think about everything sentimental I can think of (from memories to relationships with people). I love being sentimental. It makes me want to write.

Monday, July 24, 2006

stepping it up

Some people really take it hard when they fail. I am one of these people. For almost all my life, I have succeeded in almost everything I went to. By that, I mean everything that I was actually passionate about. But when college came, everything changed. I have failed in a lot of long tests to the point that I have become numb about it. Then as for the varsity teams, I haven’t been as successful as I was used to. Was I losing my competitive edge? Was I becoming… uhhh… normal?

Fortunately, I have been succeeding in the musical aspect of my life. I never took that aspect of my life seriously because I was not confident about it. I was so embrassed to sing in front of people. But after two auditions (ACGC and Bluerep), I think I’ve got it. I quit the ACGC because I was not into the music they were singing. Then a year after, I got into Bluerep. I feel that my voice is more stable and it’s time. I’ll show everyone that I am not a quitter.

Auditions are on Wednesday. I feel like I want to throw up every time I think about it. Waaaah… it’s make or break time. I need to step it up.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

chill

I cannot wait for the sembreak to come. No more lessons to study and I'm just going to go out and have fun every night. Well, there are possibly a few outings and I can't wait for it. Sembreak, where are you when I need you.

Anyway, today was supposed to be one of the hellish days of my third year life. Well, it was. I had a tough time in my embryo LT and the next classes were not doing well either. If I fail my embryo LT then it means I have to study, if not then I would continue what I am doing. Oh well, I am bound to hit some road bumps sooner or later in this journey of mine. But of course, my 'Chill Lang' philosophy is here to stay. Booya!

On another note, I saw some high school friends a while ago and I realized how I actually miss them. One of them sat sa bench and we got to talk a while. It seems they're going to join the IAC. I hope they win. Anyway, I miss my high school friends. We rarely go out. Shucks.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

start of something new

I got into bluerep and the GA was really fun. Everyone was dressed up as a kid and there were (as far as I know) any killjoys. For the first time in my college life, I attended a GA and I did not have any feeling that I wanted to quit. This is definitely something I want and right now (since I'm new to this), everything is a learning experience.

Also, something new I've experienced is crabmentality. I have always thought the better of people by not believing in such concepts. There's this guy who told other people that the judges stopped in the middle of my song during the audition. I think he was trying to make me look like someone who sucked in his auditions. He was rooting for his friend (who sadly didn't make it). Well, let's just say he was totally wrong 'cause I did. Then, when I told him about the fact that I got in. He started telling people I was being arrogant and all that. He's just one bitter bastard. I'm calling him asphalt face from now on. Argh.

Why do people have to be negative about the success of others?

Anyway, thanks to my bestfriend Melinda for the future CD's. I shall listen to them the whole day again. Hehe.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

my ym list tonight

Okay, right now, there are 36 people who are currently online in my ym list and 2 of those I am permanently invisible too. It's just weird that even if there are a lot of them online, I could not really think of anything to talk about with them. There's just nothing significant to talk about. I mean, I know I can talk to them but I also know that it will only last for a few minutes.

I guess most of these people are the ones who I befriended and then let it stop at that. These are the people who I say 'hi' to and then say a few lines like 'you still have class?' or 'where are you going?' Then, they would reply and we would walk towards our destinations. At the end of the day, there are only a select few who we can really talk to just because... These are the people who are our closest friends. The chosen few who we trust with the stories of our lives.

Now, I shall pick people to talk to even if I know they'll bore me. Hahaha.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

dilemmas coming from yesternight

When everything you are doing seems to go against the beliefs that you want to follow, you come to a realization that your beliefs might not really be for you. It is highly probable that you are denying yourself the opportunity to be the real you. You struggle to change yourself just to fit into those beliefs. For a certain amount of time you are able to succeed by fitting into it. But after some time, the old circumstances start to creep in. You suddenly go back to your old actions. And then, you realize it was occuring too many times for it to be considered a coincidence.

A friend told me that maybe it is happening for us to see how far we've crossed and to let us discover what we are supposed to do about it.

I know I have crossed the line yesternight. I did something that I have never done since three years ago. Now, what am I supposed to do with it? Will I continue because this is what I believe I am? Will I stop just to fit into those beliefs?
I started this entry knowing the answer to that. But I don't want to regret my decision by writing it and making it pseudo-permanent ('coz I can delete it anytime).

I am struggling...

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

so what now?

When the goals that you have have wanted to achieve for yourself disappear, you realize how shallow you are. You had a lot of mini-goals for yourself but never had an ultimate goal. Then, you suddenly feel empty. It's as if your recent past and future is one strip of film that would connect each other where each frame is the same. The only option for you then is to cut the film again and connect it to something better. If not, your whole life would be one big repitition.

So what now?

I need an ultimate goal soon. I am bored with just about everything.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

poem of a stranded dude

I cannot believe I was tricked by those fools
who said it is hard to live alone.
I am stranded and yet, I am happy.
The only things I need are the basics.
No people to put pressure on what I do.
I do not need to dress to impress or
to socialize to expose me to a world full of sadness.
I wish no one saves me.

P.S. I finally have my own island.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

a struggle for survival

I need to pour out the negative emotions I have,
So I try to write to release it from my system.
But it never helps because I am constricted
by the rules that come with writing.
It is that or I am constricting myself
by making it seem like there are rules to writing.

I need to get out
of myself.
Help.

alcohol

It's funny when you experience moments which you never imagined you would be experiencing. You make fun of those people who make fools of themselves because they have just taken in so much. But when you are the one doing it, it does not seem that stupid at all. You have fun, you loosen up, and you dance to the beat. The taste itself makes me want more of it. Then, that feeling of being buzzed just makes it much more sweeter.

I have been drinking non-stop and I am currently on a hiatus. I plan to do it for at least two weeks. I had a bad experience lately and I just do not plan for it to happen again. I think I am no alcoholic. I hope I am thinking right because I need to control it.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

you brought this upon yourself

I have a three-page letter waiting for you. Just tell me if you're brave enough to read it. I take back what I said. It was not just my fault because it was your fault as well. I also do not want to be civil.

I suggest that you pretend that I do not exist for you because you do not exist for me. You will only exist if there is no other option. I doubt that this will ever be fixed because you made the issue grow. You just made it your fault.

Friday, June 02, 2006

three straight days

Okay, I've had three straight days of inuman sessions with people and I like it. The first was when two friends of mine were bored enough to stay in the parking lot for 30 minutes. They did not have anything to do so they texted me. I'm like the guy you text and 99.9% of the time, I'm game. It was last Tuesday and I had and exam the next day. But I really didn't care. This is not me being irrespnsible. It just so happens that I'm confident about my exam for the next day. Anyway, they picked me up and we decided to eat at Gerry's in greenhills. Niggaboy then proposed that we try the beer tower. So we did. Haha. Mayonnaise was pretending to stop us but she drank anyway. We finished three liters of beer. Woohoo. We went to the KTV after because we wanted to sing. Wahahaha. I danced and Niggaboy has a video of it. Great. It was fun. I did well on my exam by the way.

The next was Wednesday when my friend G invited us to embassy. I was with the Bio peeps and it sure was fun. There were 12 of us. Everyone looked good. We started at around 1030 by going to M cafe and started drinking. It's funny when you see people getting drunk in their first drink. Haha. We headed for Embassy after and we just dranked and danced the night away. We ate at cafeteria after and we headed home. I got home at 5am so I went straight to sleep.

I woke up at 1pm and Hokhok texted about going out. So I texted Niggaboy and asked if he was going. It seemed he was. He was gonna pick me up in 10 minutes. So I rushed. Wahaha. We headed for Mayonnaise's house to pick her up. We headed for Xavier, then Ateneo, then Enderun. Waaahh... I'm envious. I wanna study in Enderun. Oh well... We headed for E-lanes after to meet with Hokhok, Damiana, and Ozne. We had a team battle and Niggaboy, Mayonnaise and I lost to them. Oh well. We headed for Dulcinea after to eat. I like the churros. Then, we played in the arcade. That was really fun. Haha. After that something funny happened with Ozne. Bwahahaha.

We were supposed to go home but it was too early. So Niggaboy, Mayonnaise and I decided to head for Moomba. We had a few drinks but I wanted more. Wahaha. Okay I think we all felt buzzed. But I was more buzzed than them. Great. I lost my wallet in the process. That sucks. We went home and I had fun. :) Can't wait for next week. Hehe.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

on new friends

Is it even appropriate to still try to remedy something that you know will not really be the same? Personally, I think not. It is just like trying to glue a broken popsicle stick but when you try to use it, you realize it will just break easily. So, you decide to just get another popsicle stick that is sturdier. Yes, you might say that this analogy for friendship just sucks but I do have a point.

There's a point in time where you have to move on. It's like there's this line that connects two relationship periods and there are some people from the past period that will overlap into the next period. These people will still be your friends in addition to the new ones. I guess there's always a moving on factor anywhere. It's hard to explain. And now, I'm part of something that I know I have been a part of eversince.

The bottomline is I still love my first period friends, for lack of a better term (you know who you are) and my biology friends. I hope we're still together until Med school (wherever that will be). :)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

eco field trip

Okay, so I just got back from my field trip with the other Biology majors and it really was fun. Actually, the whole thing started with the Friday night movie with Issa, Annie, Ann, and Jordan. Unfortunately, Karen could not come so there was one extra ticket. Anyway, we headed for Ann's house after that and waited for about 2 hours there and I even tried ironing my hair because I was just bangag. Then we headed for Annie's condo and I think I was able to sleep for about thirty minutes so that's just great.

We headed to school and we found out that the vans would be arriving late. Okay we were supposed to leave at 4am but ended up leaving at 6am. I rode with Gel since it was already full in the vans and we just sang our hearts out with boy band songs. This made us realize that we were actually pop by heart but still r&b/hiphop lovers all the way. Okay, before anything else I just wanna say that Manong Jun is the fastest driver I have ever known. Anyway, we got to the site after about 3-44 hours and we started looking for our cottage which was supposed to fit 20 people. We had so many food in our cottage because everyone brought food. It was like we can survive for a week in the beach.

Then, Gel made some drinks for us and we started drinking even if it was just 12pm. We had to do the transects and other required exercises before doing anything else (what's the use of the trip if we didn't do the exercises right?!). So after that, Gel and I decided to have a race and drink everything in the cooler. Ann joined us too. Woohoo. Okay, we kinda did a music video of ByeByeBye and it was just funny really. After finishing the drinks, we just continued on with the party and danced the afternoon until night away. We also had a bonfire which was fun. We won. Woohoo!

Then that night, Karen, Issa, Berto, and I decided to walk to the end of the beach (by that I mean away from the shore). It was low tide anyway so the water was not that deep. We saw so many creatures and it was scary because there were so many sea urchins. Karen was funny because he was afraid of a lot of things. So we then decided that we better get some aqua shoes to protect our feet. We went back to teh shore and we went back to the middle of the sea. We got as far as the breakwater. And we just found so many creatures.

We got back again and the four of us decided that we were not going to sleep. We were on folding beds that we layed down on the shore. So we were just there talking and trying to make ourselves awake. The deal was that if everyone sees a falling star then everyone can sleep na. I did see one and my wish came true (I passed my eco LT). Anyway since I haven't slept for almost two days I decided to sleep at around four. I woke up at 5:30 because my folding bed got destroyed. So umm... great.

We went to the mangroves after. I just want to say that it was full of garbage. Ahhh... I hated it. We went back and Iggy, Berto, Gel B., and I decided to go to the coral reef which our teacher said was about 250 metres away. We only had goggles on so it was harder. But we didn't care. We still went on. It was just amazing. I wish I could have taken pictures of it. If only I had a waterprrof camera. Next time.

We went home and we still sang boyband song in Gel's car. Okay... we are just pop people. So there, it was fun and I seriously had a blast. Actually, I like my bio batchmates. They're fun. I hope there's a batch party soon.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

battle of the gods

A battle between gods
Spoils the coliseum's mighty walls
Fire and ice rain upon the people
Intent on witnessing the high and mighty
Fall on their knees
And fight to their own deaths

They are the heroes in this battle
where both will come out champions
to everyone's dismay

A battle between gods
Is no battle at all
Just a mere game they play

stop bugging me

Mosquitoes
Bug you constantly
And suck the life out of you
Such is the life of a parasite

Keep away

Feel the poison of avoidance
Or the direct hit of rejection

Saturday, May 13, 2006

seven

Feeling at home with people takes time. It does not just come with one snap of a finger. Usually, it starts out with people who you would not imagine being together because of the clashing personalities of different individuals. It starts with two people, which turns into three then four which then goes to five and follows through to six and ends at seven. This, I think, is what happened.

Each individual had different friends at the start but as time passed, they met each other. There were times when some of them did not like the other individuals for petty reasons. There were also times when these people never imagined they would hang out with the other people in the group. The funny thing about all this is that it all worked out in the end. Indeed, there will be times when petty problems will be encountered, but these things will not last. This is the perfect group. It’s a combination of individuals coming from different backgrounds. But fate has pulled the strings to make these people meet at one point. And then somehow, they spend time together (during lunch) and realize they have a connection and that is all it took. It's a myriad of personalities and talents (from music, sports, fashion, academics and entertainment). These are the people whom I know will always be my friends.

I think I have found it. Erase that. I have found it. Just perfect.

snapshot

With one touch of a button
A bright light flashes
which transfers your soul
into a plastic container
trapping your very self



I shall press the button
to help me remember

CLICK!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

in the eyes of a child

Must blindness strike me, I shall be thankful
For in the dark sanctuary that I shall be living in
Forever will the echoes of your silence be heard
And that is enough for your presence to be known

In time of eternal noise
There is only one thing I can do
I will look for you in hopes of finding that silence
which I will know will be my guide

Must blindness strike me, I shall be thankful
For with it, I will never lose sight

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

merry-go-round

I have ridden the merry-go-round a lot of times
where horses roam the same pastures for eternity
where music flows with the soft, calm air around
where each round gives that momentary bliss

Oh how I love the merry-go-round
for I have loved it since I was a kid
and it said i was tall enough to ride
and that was enough reason for me to love it

But as all things are, it shall come to an end
where horses roam the same pastures for you to be surfeited
where music pierces the soft calm air you enjoy
where each round gives that sickening feeling

Oh how I abhor the merry-go-round
for I have loved it only when I was a kid
and it said i was too tall to ride
and that was enough reason for me to abhor it

Sunday, April 16, 2006

the missing

I’ve thought about it and realized something. Is it a given that when we do not see someone for a long time, we instantly miss that person? What I have realized is that it never really was a given. Usually, when we see someone for the first time after a long period of time, we blurt out the words, “I missed you,” just because it’s what most people say. It’s like saying good morning to someone who you see in the morning. But the thing is, even if the morning was as bad as a big fat F on your report card, you would still greet that person because it is what we are used to. Just like that, we say “I missed you” for the sake of it. Then we wait for that person to say the same and then we wait. We wait for some topic to pop into our minds to make our (“I missed you”) words seem credible.

At the end of the day, we do not miss everyone who we have not seen for a long time. We only miss those who make us feel empty once we do not see them. Those are the people that we long for to keep us company. They are those that give us a sense of nostalgia when we look at the pictures that show the times we had with them. They are those whom we know that makes our lives different when they are not there. And they are those who we need to constantly talk to just so we can lessen that feeling of longing. Some people I miss and some I do not. For those I do not, maybe they were just people who were there and never really made me any different. Without those people, my life would still be the same. And for those I miss, they are the ones who made a difference in my life. I know that without them, the life I am living would change radically.

through the telescope

Correct me if I am wrong
For once again we are
Sitting beside the our windows
Looking at the same old star
Through the telescope
Hoping that it would bring
The feeling back
Hoping that I see your ethereal face
While you look for my eyes
Because they say it shows my soul

Correct me if I am wrong
But hoping is what we are good at.
We hope until we die because
Deep down we know it is
That which will keep us alive

So that is it
I hope for the star to live forever
For with it, we are connected
And we endlessly sit beside our window
Hoping through the telescope

Thursday, April 13, 2006

astrologer's delight

An unfortunate event it was not
With the thunderous beats of
A melodic harmony
It was said that this was nonsensical
Yet the stars were proven
Right once more

A fortunate event was foretold
With only those beats heard
In their own world of silence
At last, it is not at all senseless
The stars have lined up
Waiting for this to happen

No one thought it possible
Only the shining crystals
In the dark midnight sky knew
And they spoke of it as destiny

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

to that kid on the street corner

To that kid on the street corner
I tell you now that there’s no use
To crying and dwelling on
What is now the past
It will eat you up and everything
That was meant to make you a better
Person will make you much worse
So I tell you now,
You kid on that street corner
Stand up and play that tune
Start over

To that kid on the street corner
Thank you for the inspiration
Start over

child's play

Let’s stop this masquerade
A game of hide and seek
Where you are the champion
And I am the one defeated

Tell me,
Is this the game
You want to play forever
Because I’ve lost interest

This is the end
This is a game for kids
We have grown up
I give up

Monday, April 03, 2006

a dialogue for everyday

*due to some technical problems, stanzas 2-10 should not be alternate. the stanzas should be beside each other... by that I mean it should have two sides with equal length. okay.

Silence
I open my eyes
Then I stop
I think

My world:
It is that of detachment
Where shadows are in constant motion
While I am at a standstill
My world:
It is that of desire
Where that I want is at a standstill
While I am in constant motion
Yet, the dark outlines never stroke
Even the tip of my hand,
Which seeks to caress the figure
From which these shadows came
Yet, I cannot touch
Even the tip of the hand
That which I seek to caress
The hand that forms shadows
The choice is not mine to make
For the fire from this passion
Can pierce the beauty of the figure
Which wander around my isolation
I choose, Yes
For I might be engulfed in the fire
Of this burning passion
And it is with delight that I accept
I pursue this figure with all
Its worldly imperfections
Still, I know of its impossibility
For it is the curse that I must endure
I crave the burning figure with all
Its celestial perfections
I know of its possibility
For its curse I will endure
My world:
It is that which I do not desire
Where I am at a standstill
While shadows are in constant motion
My world:
It is that which is not detached
Where I am in constant motion
And I seek for the one at a standstill
It thinks that
I think that
It is an impossibility
It is a possibility

I think
Then I stop
I close my eyes
Silence

-Jay

Sunday, April 02, 2006

betrayal

If indeed what I am doing is betrayal,
Then I am ashamed of myself.
But if it is not,
Then why does this feeling of guilt bother me?
Not telling would be betrayal
But telling would lead to the same fate
Which good is greater?
I do not know
And yet, I have already acted
Thinking that it was upon my better judgement
Oh... what's the use?
At the end, I know I have betrayed a greater friend
I pray he does not know
I pray he does not know

Sunday, March 26, 2006

the kiss of death

I have just experienced the kiss of death and boy, was it bad. It started out as good clean fun (well, it was always the case) until someone was dared to kiss any of the guys in the circle. There were five choices and I ended up being the unfortunate one. Crap. Good thing, the others were kissed as well. The exception of course was the guy who considered me Muslim for he covered himself well. Hehe. The guys has decided to put this in our repressed memory bank. But I doubt that I will ever forget such a horrifying experience.

Still, the whole party was fun and that is something I do not want to put into my repressed memory bank. I got home at three and fell down on my bed. First time, I slept in jeans, actually.

I woke up today and never forgot any of the things that happened yesternight and day. That means I never got drunk... only tipsy. I am still dizzy and I plan to sleep all day. Why did I have to drink alcohol straight from the bottle? I deserve this somehow... or not.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to one of my bestfriends, dressing made of eggs! :D

Sunday, March 12, 2006

cover

I hide my face behind a mask afraid to see the expression
Painted on the face underneath

Knowing that behind it is no smile at all
Rather, one of melancholy

It is melancholy in what life has brought me
And I meet it with despondency

Oh… what is the use of such a state
If only to bring deeper sorrow to mine

Detachment is the only solution

So I do it
And it overwhelms me

Behind it is no sadness
Rather, one of purpose

And that is enough for me.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

gift

Today, I gave her something that I
was proud to give her.
It was something that I would have never done
to any friend unless she was that special.
Well, she was.
Now, it is up to her what that meant.
I will leave my feelings in ambiguity
because that gives me the most happiness.
And if ever she sees through the gesture,
I hope her reply would be the
reply I have always been waiting for.

left-brained and all that

It is weird that people see me as someone who does not seem to do anything. Well, believe it or not I have a lot of thing to do. Apart from the usual subjects that I have, I study a bit of calculus for my friends, I am looking for sponsors for the Regcom, and I am part of a Filipino play that I have (unfortunately) committed to during the first few weeks of the semester.

I was talking to lemon girl once while we were eating at our usual eating place (that being Wendy's... because of their bacon mushroom melt). She was telling me that she was amazed that I was able to hide the other things that I was doing. It seems as if I just go on with life and deal with it when it comes. She gave me an example where in I had a long test. I was just hanging out with her and not even studying. I do not know why but it works for me.

Anyway, it has already been the third time someone has told me that I am too left-brained. Apart from skitz and lemon girl, I now have my cousin telling me that I am too organized. I am too clean and she does not like it. Well, I just cannot work when thing are out of place. I tried that last year by not having a planner and look where it got me. Hello double D's. At the end of the day, I am happy that I am left-brained. I might not be as creative as other Oboys in terms of writing (i was the one who always wrote by structure), but at least I have my own style and that's what important.

Wait... I just realized something. I hate writing peoms because they are too unstructured to even write. There are no rules for them. One thing I believe in is that you have to know the rules to break them. So how can I break the rules of poetry if they do not have rules in the first place. Haaay...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

unstressed and the 10 people

I just realized that I lack stress (not that I want to experience it) but I just find it surprising that I am not feeling it in my body. Last sem, I said this too at the start of the sem, so it came and then BAM. Good luck to Jay and to his D's. But now, I'm saying this 2 weeks from the exam week because I already know what I am doing for those two weeks. Well, I've finished most of them so there's nothing more for me to do. Well, I have some extra work that I'm doing for my friends but it's not that heavy. I wonder why a lot of my friends seem so stressed. Maybe it's because they take their classes too seriously. I, on the other hand, take my classes because I love studying them. I don't find them as stressful. I find them as joy. That, I guess, is the difference. Woohoo.

Haay... I love life. I realized that I can die right now and I would not regret having lived my life in the way I lived it. I am content with my family, friends, and everything that comes with it. The only thing that hinders me from wanting to die is the fact that I have this weird mission of making a BIG DIFFERENCE in the lives of ten people. And when I say big difference, I mean the difference that would help them even in the future. I have my first candidate and that candidate has been a challenge. Great for me huh?!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

regrets

It used to be that I always had regrets when it comes to the decisions I make. I always made the wrong decisions and this resulted in me having to make an article about that regret. In this case however, I am doing the exact opposite. I am writing, not because I regret a decision I have made recently. Rather, I would want to write about the fact that I haven't regretted my decisions lately.

For some sort of reason, I have been enjoying my life and there is nothing more I can ask for. I don't regret having no iPod, laptop, or a car because it was my decision not to have them. Lately, I have realized that my decisions have been at their personal best. I don't know. Maybe, I'm just content with life that even if some mishaps happen to come along the way, I still find something to smile about.

Regrets are decisions that have not been well thought out. They are the ones that you do just because... And that should not be the case. We only have one lifetime and regretting each decision we make is just a waste of your life. The decisions we make mold us into what we are and will become. Thus, regretting them is useless. The better thing to do is to face the music and push through with the consequences of our actions (good or bad).

At the end of the day, we become people who have matured and grown. And if ever we made a wrong decision, we can dwell on it for a little bit then make sure that we learn from it and do something about it.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

all set to go

In about two months, a whole new chapter of my (or any sophomore for that matter) college life will begin. Normally, I would be approach this event with such trepidation but that is not the case now. It seems that everything has been unfolding perfectly for me. I have my friends who I will always consider to be my friends until I get old and they have proven why. They are the people I share the personal aspects of my life with and I think that is very important.

As for the other people, some of them who I thought were nie and friend-able were not who I thought they were. I found out something new about people and quite frankly, I am turned off by what these people did. But then again, this is a good thing. Why? Well, let's just say that I am happy that I do not have to deal with such people anymore. I'm not saying that I will be plastic and all that. Rather, I plan to be civil with them whenever.

It's just hard to accept that people who you think you trusted are not that real. But then, that is the real world and we just have to roll with the punches.

Next school year, only the first set of people will be important.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

kids and adults

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. I thought that by being an adult I would:

1. not have to sleep in the afternoon
2. be able to play all day long
3. be able to avoid eating yucky food (at that time, the only that wasn’t yucky were fried food)
4. be able to avoid school and studying
5. be able to buy any toy that I like instead of letting my mom buy me shirts (which I hated at that time)
6. be who I wanted to be when I grow up
7. not be bossed around by my parents
8. simply be free to do anything I want

I guess I forgot to consider something. Or maybe it just was not explained to me that adults do have responsibilities. Great. People forgot to tell me something and that something just happens to be the something that would have made me not want to be an adult. Now that I am in my ‘young adulthood’ stage, I just wish I was a kid again. If I was a kid again, I would:

1. sleep all I can in preparation for the sleepless night in the future (thank you schoolwork)
2. would play only the sports that I would play in the future (then I would actually be excellent in those)
3. eat as much non-fried food as possible to be a healthy young lad in the future (so I won’t be fat in the future)
4. promise myself that I would take academics seriously (although I do not think I failed here)
5. buy shirts so it would not be that surprising in the future if I buy clothes at a regular rate
6. promise myself to sleep so I can actually grow up and then be who I want to be.
7. follow my parents
8. be thankful that I do not have responsibilities that are life-changing

Each person has a constant struggle with regret and sometimes we wallow in them so much that we forget that we have three quarters of our life ahead of us. Today, I told myself to stop regretting and move on. It does not help that I wallow in self-pity so why do it. I’m better off having fun with I have and just work with it. So there, I love my life.

To you (in case I read this in the future so it’s really addressed to me): You need to appreciate each and everything that comes your way while you still have it.

two ideas for the day

I am losing my focus. This is the big problem with me. One sem is too long for me to keep up the momentum that I was able to generate some months ago. You see, some months ago I was doing well and my grades were very DL-able. Now, they not very DL-able, they are now just i-just-wish-they're-even-DL-able grades. Anyway, I would have wanted the sem to stop a month ago. But for obvious reasons I cannot make that happen. So let's just say that this is a good thing. What is? The fact that I lost focus for only a part of the sem. Time to step up.
________________________________________________________

On another note, today was a day of silence for me. I was not in the mood to talk that much because I did not feel like talking. This rarely happens since most people think that I cannot keep my trap shut (which is kinda true if I think about it). But today, I was able to do it. Maybe this happens during days when I just want to think. I guess sometimes, people need a few days of relaxation and with school throwing whatever in front of me, I end up with silence to relax (I know it's kind of pathetic). Tomorrow, I will talk like there's no tomorrow.

Okay... now that I think about it, that's just plain (add whatever you want to... i'm not writing it). I am silent because I have lots of things in my mind. Most of the time, I think about these things and forget about my sorroundings. Then... splat (not the appropriate onomatopoetic word), I return back to earth. Great.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

polarity

Remember when you had your firt grade school experiment on polarity where you were tasked to observe the two magnets that were being moved closer to each other. That was probably the first time you have heard the statement 'Opposite charges attract and like charges do not.' Well you see, today I've realized how different my brother and I are. We are total opposites. Even my friend told me so.

While I play sports under the scorching sun, he prefers to bask 'under' the television's radiation in hopes of doing nothing. While I sing my lungs out to different types of music, he prefers to just etch away and draw whatever it is he wants to draw. While I do stuff to groom myself (buy clothes and other stuff), he prefers to just wear whatever is there and look like umm... himself. While I am studying Biology in hopes to be a doctor/chef, he prefers to enroll himself in Fine Arts major in Advertising.

Fine, that was a good enough choice considering that there might be some future in advertising for him. I told him to pursue it because it is what he loved. But then, he suddenly tells me that he wants to be a social worker. What?! It's like going through pre-med and then ending up as a chef (which sounds kind of familiar). But the point is that social workers end up telling themselves that they are fulfilled even though they are not. They pretend that all their hardwork has been well-compensated for and they couldn't ask for more. Right... whatever.

Am I being mean for even thinking that the only way one can be happy with life is through monetary compensation? Maybe I'm just being practical and want him to be happy. Or maybe, I just want my brother to be, like me, someone who wants to achieve something big in life. Most probably, I won't stop this because he'll be the person my parents expect him to be... my polar opposite. And no, that is not a bad thing in this world, really.

transition period... supposedly

Am I going through that so-called identity crisis (which according to my SA professor is part of the adolescent stage)? Well, maybe I am. Or maybe I am not. See, just writing this proves that I do not even know what my situation is as of this very moment.

I am nineteen. Yes, I might not look like my age but you cannot do anything about it. It has been genetically encoded in my body and nothing will change that unless of course I become an experiment for I don’t know what. Anyway, I’m supposed to be in the sixth stage of development which would be young adulthood or in other words, the stage where I have to battle between intimacy and isolation. Yet, I do not think I’m there right now.

I’m stuck in the stage of adolescence. The challenge for me is to gain my identity and eliminate confusion. Great. For obvious reasons, I’m bound to be in this stage for a long while. You see, I have this dream of being a doctor or being a chef or being one of the greatest tennis players. As I have said, they are dreams so anything is possible. But the problem arises when I have to eliminate the ones that are near impossible.

So let’s see… ummm… I guess I have to say goodbye to being one of the greatest tennis players and just be content with local tournaments. Why? Well… ummm… aaahhh… isn’t it obvious? If you are living in a first world country, this dream is so easy to achieve. Well not too easy but relatively easy. You get the opportunities to actually try to be one. But if you started out tennis late in your life and you live in a third world country where sports is not one of the top priorities (because education is more important and it needs more budget or at least that’s what they say), you might as well fall flat on your face and dance to the newest dance craze in town. Great, now I’m becoming one of those writers who try infusing some “nationalistic” ideas to help heal the world. Not really.

Anyway, I’m left with two choices either become a doctor or chef (which people always think as me saying ‘shift’ in a barok tone). I am in my quarter-life crisis. Well, I’m assuming that my plans of dying by the age of around 70-80 will happen (normal age to get old), because I don’t want to be very old. So there, I can’t wait for my mid-life crisis. I bet it is really going to be one hell of a ride (pun intended).

Sunday, January 22, 2006

new writing music

The fact is that I am picky. I don't just read any book. I don't just eat any food. I don't just wear any shirt. I don't just listen to any music. And yet, I'm listening to something that I don't normally listen to (meaning, it's not jazz, or r&b. hahaha). It has been playing on my cd player over and over again. Surprisingly, the music is worth my money (at first, I thought I wasted money on it) and it deserves to be part of my 'music to listen to while writing.' That is a good thing considering that I find music as a distraction while writing.

Anyway, I was writing my English review paper (which is due tomorrow but I only did it tonight. this is called procrastination.) and I was just typing away because all my ideas were flowing right out of my mind. I'm not sure whether it was the music or the mind of the writer (me). But I'm guessing it's because of the music. I made that decision because when I switched to John Legend, I couldn't write smoothly. The music was very intense (although some songs were exceptions) that I couldn't concentrate on writing. So I decided to switch back so that I can write well again (which was the expected result).

So now, apart from Joss Stone's two albums and Kenny G's Duets album, I finally have new music for my writing. Yes, I'm listening to it right now while writing.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

nerd is just a way of thinking

For the first time in my college life, I actually feel like I am meant to be a college student. My grades are at an all time high (A’s in all subjects except for two) and I think I want them to stay that way. Well to tell you frankly, I think no one would want their grades to be low so I’m guessing that this is the behavior that one might expect from me.

Recently, I have turned into a ‘nerd’ because I have been reading my books and taking notes as I go through them. Then, I go to the library to read some more of these books during my breaks. As far as I can remember, I have never done such a thing since I almost got a D in second year high school in a subject that I hate… biology. And surprisingly, that is my current major. Great. I guess, I just missed my old self where I got the results that I wanted in terms of everything. I had control of my life and getting the grades I wanted were part of it. This semester, I told myself that it was time to overachieve again because I knew that it was what would make me happy.

I just want to point something out. That is the reason why I am even writing an entry on my academic life. Anyway, it used to be that nerds were the losers in the campus. They were being made fun of and at times, only befriended for their talents. However, as the years passed, nerds have been accepted more in our society and that they are the ones with power in the future. The truth is, I even find that people do not respect jocks anymore simply because they are dumb. Well of course, there are exceptions. But generally speaking, jocks aren’t as well-respected as they used to be.

So why is it cool to be a nerd? As I see it, the only reason why we call someone a nerd is because of the way that person looks. For example, if a guy has braces and eyeglasses, he would already be considered a nerd even if he was stupid. On the other hand, if a guy has style (having nice clothes) and can look good (well… ummm… isn’t this self-explanatory), then even if he was very studious he would never be considered a nerd. With this being said, I think that the term ‘nerd’ only refers to the image itself and not to the real sense of it.

This is the realization that made me become a REAL nerd. I realized that even if I often burn the midnight oil (well, not really), I will never be tagged a nerd for as long as I don’t look the part. Everything depends on the image that you want other people to see. In the words of William Shakespeare (and I know this has been used countless times), "All the world’s a stage." So I say we better act the part that we want others to see.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

remembering nostalgia

Nostalgia: a wistful yearning of the past. I have been hearing or experiencing this today so I knew it was a sign that I had to write a paragraph or two about it.

Most people, if not all, will always think about the good times that they have had when they were younger than they are now. For some it might be twenty to thirty years, while others only have to go back for about five to ten years. For me, the latter would be the case. Going back twenty years would be a stupid thing for me to do. Most probably, the only thing I will remember would be well… umm… nothing. Yes folks, nothing. And it is all because my parents haven’t met yet.

If I was to be nostalgic, I would remember so many things. I will remember the days when people wanted to be one of the Power Rangers. When most people wanted to be either the Red or Green ranger, I wanted to be the Black Ranger. These were the days when you will build a team of five and the sort of tomboyish girl gets to be the Yellow ranger while the girly girl gets the Pink Ranger.

I will remember the days when touchball was the ‘sport’ that every student would play in school every recess and lunch times. And when the fetcher of the kids weren’t there yet, they would also play during dismissal times. At the end of the day, we have kids covered in soil and perspiring like little pigs.

I will remember the days when you were cool if you had a beeper (which was not black). It had to be one of those colorful ones that you can show of in school (I never had a beeper). But then, if you had a cellphone, you were much cooler than the guys with beepers. You had that 5110 which had different express-on covers that you get to change everyday just because it was cool to change it. The coolest people would be the one with the 6110 or 6150 because they had an infrared on their phone. Infrareds are thos black things on top of their phones that they just use to play 2-player snake.

I will remember the days when baggy pants were cool and the bigger they were, the better (I never went for this fad). You could sweep the floor with them and your shoes wouldn’t be seen but you didn’t care. For as long as they were big, they were good.

I will remember so many things that I would not have enough time to think about them (I have a long test for histology lab. tomorrow). But the point is, I will always want to remember these because they make life seem so enjoyable. You remember the pathetic things at present which used to be cool, the fun moments you had with you family and friends and even the food that you loved to eat when you were a kid. These are the things that make you want to be nostalgic. Nostalgia… it will only take so long until I become nostalgic about being nostalgic.

literature for the self

“I am doing this because one day I will become a novelist. A great one who will be known throughout the world of literature and yet have a book which will not be part of the bestseller list.” That is what I tell myself whenever I write. I want to become a great novelist but I don’t want to be part of the bestseller list. You ask me why I am saying such an absurd statement. The main reason that I am saying such a thing is because I see the bestseller list as a stamp of commercialism.

Yes, you will get rich and be known world-wide but I highly doubt that majority of the people who bought your book actually understood its literary meaning. Most probably, the people who bought it were just joining the bandwagon and pretending that they actually loved it because it was such a well-crafted story. They’d be saying ‘Oooohh… have you read Dan Brown? The way he constructed his plot was so amazing that I couldn’t stop reading it.’ Great… To those people who are saying that, I just want to say that the only reason why Dan Brown is such a huge hit is because his chapters are short. Fine, it might also be because of the plot but it is really the short chapters that get you hooked to it. With the younger generation (my generation included) having a short attention span, it is not at all surprising if they liked that book because of its ‘well-constructed plot.’ But I just have to make a correction. It is not the plot. Rather, it is the pacing that is worthy of praise.

Don’t kid yourself. Having something that is well-liked by almost everyone does not mean that it will be well-liked by everyone. On one of my favorite author’s interviews, Susanna Clarke said that there should not be any canon on what books to read and people should discover for themselves what book gives them the certain magic. And in most cases, as Jonathan Safran Foer puts it, people are somehow put off by the books that were assigned to them in school just because they were assigned. I agree with them. Each has his or her own book out there waiting to be opened.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

dying to be a vegetarian

It is said that some food are acquired tastes. They are not just liked by everyone because they have a taste that is not suitable for every palate. It is common knowledge that kids hate vegetables (unless of course you were one of those kids who, weirdly enough, were born vegetarian). Even though that is the case, it is said that we outgrow that stage and then we gradually acquire the taste of these vegetables. But in my case, that obviously does not apply.

I hate their taste and it just does not help that they make be want to barf. Seriously. Just thinking of eating a crunchy green vegetable makes me want to stop and think of something else. For some sort of reason, I never acquired the taste of these vegetables. Fine, I eat these vegetables if they were put on a pizza, hamburger or some other junkfood. Why? The reason is that the pizza or the hamburger actually covers the taste of the vegetable. I mean, vegetables aren’t even sweet, so why like them?

It’s just a thought that came into my mind. I happened to eat some California Maki a while ago and expected a mixture of rice, nori, mango, and crab. But noooooo… they had to put some weird green, crunchy vegetable in it. Of all the types of vegetables you can put, they had to put a green, crunchy one. Why couldn’t they have put an onion or a pepper just to spice things up? Fine, it won’t taste good but it isn’t as if the green, crunchy vegetable was any better.

I talked to my crush a while ago about these stupid vegetables. She says that she hates them too (we removed those green, crunchy things from the Maki) and realized that she won’t survive as a vegetarian. She thought about being vegetarian over the break and realized that she would die. The case is same with me. I will die if I become vegetarian. Death by vegetables, I would say.

Monday, January 02, 2006

technology and the joys without it

When you are in a place where it seems that technology has stopped in its tracks, you are bound to live the simple life. It was not long ago when I was in a place like that. Actually, it was just yesterday. For three straight days, I had to make do without any signal for my phone (no happy new year messages and whatever message i would have received), no computer, no television, no radio, and even no newspaper. It seemed as if I was on an island when in fact I was on a mountain. I was so helpless to the point that I would tell my cousins that we should just roam around the village and look for ghosts. Technically, we were in a village with a population of... my family. So, it was not surprising to find ghosts (it was in Mt. Samat).

Anyway, we did not find ghosts and I am not gonna invent one just to make this entry interesting for whoever reads it. The main point of this entry is that I have realized that I am, as I would say it, techno-dependent. Not having ym for a few days because of a virus drove me nuts so what more if it were me not having anything that speaks by itself. It drove me crazy. It was not an enjoyable time for me and it was all because of my techno-dependence.

This is when I realized that I did not go to this vacation to have a bonding session with the television, computer, or the radio. I was there to celebrate the New Year with the whole 'angkan.' This, I guess, is the point of it all. I always look for things which I think would be a joyous celebration of the season. When, in fact, it is the simplicity of celebrating the season which makes it more meaningful. The season has ended and it will be another five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes before I feel that season again.