Okay, so where am I right now? Ummm... well I'm in the CTC computer lab and I just realized where that twisted feeling was coming from. It was from being able to see that I haven't spent enough time with my old friends and weirdly enough, my new friends too. I don't why... but I just felt like my growth in terms of relationships have become stunted and it is only recently that I have felt it. I told Oli about it and I guess it's true. I haven't maintained my friendships and that kinda sucks. I guess it's only during these past few days that I actually had time to think about what has happened.
I don't think my bestfriend is my bestfriend anymore after I ditched him the last time he visited. Then, I haven't actually talked with the comtech peeps that much and at times, some of them irritate me. I can't believe I'm saying this. The only good thing is that I just had the best dinner/inuman with some bio friends (Ann, Annie, Issa, Karen, Berto, Iggy). It was such a fun night. Although technically, only karen, iggy, and i got drunk. perfect!
Oh yeah! I'm still an alcoholic. Hopeless case my dear readers.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
unexplained well
Today is a day that gives out that twisted kind of feeling. I do not know what has gotten into me but I feel like there's something bothering me. I told my friend about it but it seems that I cannot explain it to him either. Great.
It's just one of those days. Maybe it's that day where I am changing. I mean it's a transition phase. See... I can't explain myself well. Argh!
It's just one of those days. Maybe it's that day where I am changing. I mean it's a transition phase. See... I can't explain myself well. Argh!
Friday, January 19, 2007
on a campaign towards goodness
I know that people hate on others because of jealousy among other things. Although based on my recent experiences with people, I have been seeing so much envy. Also, I have to admit that this applies to me as well. Even if I try my hardest to make myself an optimistic, non-envious, genuinely good, and plain simple person, I end up being the opposite. I realized it's because I am exposed to so much jealousy and hate in school.
People are very competitive and I am not talking mainly about academics. I am talking about competing in terms of the different aspects of a person. They start to degrade you just so that they will feel better about themselves. Although sometimes, it might be the truth. But believe me when I say that they are not backstabbing/hating on people to set the truth free. They have alterior motives to their actions.
People should stop hating. It would be a much better place if that is the case. I suddenly remember this friend of mine who I always believed was too nice. He always found goodness in a person. Now, I realize that he was not too nice. He was plain nice. It just so happened that I compared him to the standards of this world... which is being mean. Change is all I need. I can do this. PERFECT!
People are very competitive and I am not talking mainly about academics. I am talking about competing in terms of the different aspects of a person. They start to degrade you just so that they will feel better about themselves. Although sometimes, it might be the truth. But believe me when I say that they are not backstabbing/hating on people to set the truth free. They have alterior motives to their actions.
People should stop hating. It would be a much better place if that is the case. I suddenly remember this friend of mine who I always believed was too nice. He always found goodness in a person. Now, I realize that he was not too nice. He was plain nice. It just so happened that I compared him to the standards of this world... which is being mean. Change is all I need. I can do this. PERFECT!
Monday, January 15, 2007
a little early morning reflection
It 2:30 in the morning and I'm thinking (and not sleeping thanks to coffee), what should this entry be about? Should it be about how I do not like the fact that I am awake at 2:30 in the morning because of a school report? Should it be about how I have been trying to live an optimistic life? Or should it be about how my current relationships with people stand?
I think it should be about what my philosophy teacher asked us last Friday. He told us to think about it and I realized that I never do any homework in Philo, so I might as well do this one. Is life all about getting something out of everything one does (gamitan)? I started out thinking that it is not true. Not everyone competes to get what he wants. There are artists out there who do not care about not getting enough money to live a good life. But then he tries to tell the class that these artists actually do this to get something... and it's happiness. Whatever it is, people want something out of life. Then,I had to think.
I realized that life is about getting something out of what we do. It's about doing what we love to do because it makes us happy. We have friends because they make us happy. It's not about befriending them because we get something out of it (gamitan!). Real friends do not use each other... then you'll tell me they get happiness out of each other. SO?
I think people exist because they are getting something or they want to get something. It can be as small as walking to get to a certain destination, talking to get a way of conversing with others, opening ones eyes to get to see something. It can be as big as having friends to find happiness with each other, to doing what you love most to be happy about yourself. Once we stop getting... we stop functioning. It means we're not thinking anymore. Then once we stop thinking, we stop being real humans.
So what is life and the human person? It is doing. It is through doing that we gain existence. Perfect!
I think it should be about what my philosophy teacher asked us last Friday. He told us to think about it and I realized that I never do any homework in Philo, so I might as well do this one. Is life all about getting something out of everything one does (gamitan)? I started out thinking that it is not true. Not everyone competes to get what he wants. There are artists out there who do not care about not getting enough money to live a good life. But then he tries to tell the class that these artists actually do this to get something... and it's happiness. Whatever it is, people want something out of life. Then,I had to think.
I realized that life is about getting something out of what we do. It's about doing what we love to do because it makes us happy. We have friends because they make us happy. It's not about befriending them because we get something out of it (gamitan!). Real friends do not use each other... then you'll tell me they get happiness out of each other. SO?
I think people exist because they are getting something or they want to get something. It can be as small as walking to get to a certain destination, talking to get a way of conversing with others, opening ones eyes to get to see something. It can be as big as having friends to find happiness with each other, to doing what you love most to be happy about yourself. Once we stop getting... we stop functioning. It means we're not thinking anymore. Then once we stop thinking, we stop being real humans.
So what is life and the human person? It is doing. It is through doing that we gain existence. Perfect!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
faster than the Flash
Let's see...
This week has been a week of fast events. These events have been totally unexpected but at least they worked out for me. I knew it, having a positive outlook in life attracts positive energy.
So, I was asked to stage manage for HSM, and I accepted after two days from when I got the invite. Then I quit after two days from when I started. So now, I'm assisting them in the production, but I would be front on house na on show day itself. Woohoo! I think that's better 'coz I get to watch the play. Yey!
But the best thing is that I've got a new real friend. We never talked at all before and somehow, we just connected on that afternoon when she decided to sit in front of me. And now, we talk everyday when we see each other, philo class, and ym. But take note, we never did small talk. We just went straight into the deep and personal stuff. She's fantastic. A cool friend indeed.:D
This week has been a week of fast events. These events have been totally unexpected but at least they worked out for me. I knew it, having a positive outlook in life attracts positive energy.
So, I was asked to stage manage for HSM, and I accepted after two days from when I got the invite. Then I quit after two days from when I started. So now, I'm assisting them in the production, but I would be front on house na on show day itself. Woohoo! I think that's better 'coz I get to watch the play. Yey!
But the best thing is that I've got a new real friend. We never talked at all before and somehow, we just connected on that afternoon when she decided to sit in front of me. And now, we talk everyday when we see each other, philo class, and ym. But take note, we never did small talk. We just went straight into the deep and personal stuff. She's fantastic. A cool friend indeed.:D
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
of starts and diamonds
Everything has to have a start. Whatever it is that happens, there will always be a start. The one thing that people do not know is that the start does not determine the end. Yes, it might be able to affect it some way but it is not the sole determinant of where you will go.
In life, you meet people who you forge relationships with. Some of them you keep for all your life. While some of them, without actually intending to, you forget. I have this theory about myself. I meet new groups of friends on a somewhat constant basis. And at the end of the day, only a part of that group actually remains to be my close friend. This is my theory... while we do meet groups of friends, we only become close with a few of them. As a result, the ones you became close with are the ones who become your friends with until you are old.
Friendships have starts. While most of them have ends, some of them don't. It's like a sifter where you try to seperate the fine grains from those rocky ones at every turning point of your life. Well, you're left with the rocky ones, but then you realize that they are actually diamonds in the rough. I have forged friendships that have grown, that have become stunted, or that have died.
Still, even with a lot of people sifted out, I am still left with those diamonds who are gonna be my friends until I die.
In life, you meet people who you forge relationships with. Some of them you keep for all your life. While some of them, without actually intending to, you forget. I have this theory about myself. I meet new groups of friends on a somewhat constant basis. And at the end of the day, only a part of that group actually remains to be my close friend. This is my theory... while we do meet groups of friends, we only become close with a few of them. As a result, the ones you became close with are the ones who become your friends with until you are old.
Friendships have starts. While most of them have ends, some of them don't. It's like a sifter where you try to seperate the fine grains from those rocky ones at every turning point of your life. Well, you're left with the rocky ones, but then you realize that they are actually diamonds in the rough. I have forged friendships that have grown, that have become stunted, or that have died.
Still, even with a lot of people sifted out, I am still left with those diamonds who are gonna be my friends until I die.
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