Wednesday, October 31, 2007

just 'coz i'm so cool

Yes, I have been playing Onimusha Tactics for 24 hours and counting. I'm so cool... NOT!

On another note, I just found out that my friend since first year who I recently had a falling out with, has decided to make me permanently offline in his ym. So much for friendship. I'm over it now, we just have to move on with life because that is how life is. People change and we have to adapt. It's the law of nature and the best thing we can do is just live with it. i can't hate him because it was my fault why we're not talking anymore. Oh well cowbell

Bow.

P.S. To Caliraya or to Subic. It all depend on one person. If she goes or not. Package deal time peeps.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I need a mechanic

Someone needs a lot of fixing and that person is me. Shet, something is really wrong. I finally have my sembreak but the drive to go out isn't there. Well, at least for this week, that's the case. We were supposed to wallclimb but I had to back out because I was really feeling heavy. As in emotionally heavy. Then I was supposed to go to subic but since I'm so good, I won't be going anymore. There are a lot of things to do this week but I won't be going because I want to seperate myself from the world.

I need to fix myself before anything disastrous happens. My attitude in the past few days isn't me at all. I hate this. Damn you big prod.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Sabaws 'R Us

Here are a few sabaw moments that are blog worthy. I wish I wasn't sabaw... NOT! Fun eh!

So we had lunch at world topps and we were on our way to starbucks when:

Annabelle: I think I'd want to join a musical workshop before auditioning for prods.
Bym: Same lang yun e!
Jay: (in a serious tone) Ano ba Annabelle, the best EXPERIENCE is TEACHER.
(after a few seconds)
Everyone: (laughs)
Annabelle: Sige I'll go to National muna... meet you guys in Starbucks.
(annabelle leaves)
Jay: Haha. Tanga ko, the best experience is teacher.
Bym: Oo nga, ano ba dapat? TEACHING?
(laughter from both)

During a Party:

Jay: Okay, pwede na magyosi bukas.
Lawrence: Oo nga, since DOT DOT DOT
Bym: Ano ung DOT DOT DOT
Jay: Gets mo naman yun e
Lawrence: Nagprepretend yan na 'di niya gets
Bym: 'Di ko gets and I don't want to get it
Jay: Cge, if you get it pero you're pretending not to get it, then crush mo si (insert name of person).
Bym: Ay KA-
(I think he was supposed to say kadiri until we saw that the person was a meter away from us)
Jay: Holy Shit!
Oli: Jay, pwede ka na mamatay. Ligawan mo na si (insert name of person).
Jay: I want to disappear right now.

So yeah, this is what you get from sabaw people like us. Hahahaha.

Monday, October 22, 2007

I wish I didn't assume

I wish I didn't assume that I had talent

I suck at singing. People who I thought were worse than me in singing got parts (or at least get to audition for them). I get to do ensemble (i'm not saying it's bad... I'm so ready to be prisoner number 47). I think I just thought I was good at singing. I wanna die...

I suck at acting. I'm stiff (my director told me). I don't get to deliver lines well, nabubulol ako. I don't have clarity. I hate this. I wanna die.

I suck at dancing. I never did this seriously. So great. I wanna die. But may chance pa sa dancing.

I don't wanna sing or act anymore. If I can dance my way to the top, I would. But I can't coz I don't know how to.

I wanna die. Untalented people don't deserve anything.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Today's Agenda

Okay, I seriously do not know what I want to write right now. There are a lot of pent up emotions inside of me and they are all different. So which one should I express?! Okay, Lawrence told me happy thoughts dapat so whatever I write, I write.

I had my audition yesterday for a play. I'm not sure if it sucked or if it was good. I just want to assume it sucked so that I won't feel bad about myself. I also want to assume my dance audition did not have enough to catch the attention of the panelists. There.I can write so much more about this but I choose not to because I already said them a while ago (while smoking half a pack of cigarettes PLUS ONE... since someone only had EIGHT!). I need to let go of it and just accept it. It's just that my view of what I love has changed and that, I guess, is what sucks the most. They said it was a reality but I refused to believe it... but here it is. Great.

Over na ako kanina then lagi ko naaalala. I have to work with what is given. I just have to make sure I do it well. On another note, I'm not even sure if I'm going to start the the voice lessons since DOT DOT DOT

Agenda a while ago:
1) woke up at 8 then had breakfast
2) went to serendra at 12 to supposedly have lunch but we just looked at toys and had coffee (we ranted)
3) went to eastwood at 3 to watch a movie but ended up smoking and ranting 'til 7. tae kasi e.
4) had dinner then went home

galing galing (with clap). 'di pa naligo ako and ung isa diyan while doing the agenda (we were in the clothes we wore the day before).

Friday, October 12, 2007

life is just that... imagination

There are times when you are in this big bubble and you see life in this microscopic view. You walk around without a care in the world because you have this idea in your mind that life will be what you imagine it to be. You will hang out with friends, graduate, have a job, get married, have a family, have kids, grow old, and then die peacefully. You just go with the flow because that is what life is... your imagination.

And then one day, you experience something and your bubble is popped... if it was a glass bubble then it would be shattered... if it was a wooden bubble it would be broken... you get the drift. Well, I always imagined myself to have that life I created in my mind. It was the life, although not perfect, I wanted. When that car accident happened, I had a sudden macroscopic view of things. Life was short and it will not be what I imagined it to be. I guess this made me realize that I should not forget what I always wrote about when I was in high school. It was something about that phrase 'live your life as if it was your last day on earth.' And after that accident, it could have been my last day on earth.

The sad part about that was that my last day on earth was spent drinking with people and not having a care in the world. When we are caught up in the moment, we see things in a microscopic view and we feel as if our life is on big event and we forget our environment. It's like this party and your dancing in the middle of the dance floor... you forget everything around you because you are living that very moment.

If I die tomorrow, can I look back and see that my life was actually significant. No regrets... hopefully.

Kleek dinner tomorrow. Unity and Rekindling according to bobo. We're complete for the first time in a long time. Yehey!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

ironic

Remember the time when you were still in grade school and the teacher would always give this speech about the lazy student and the hardworking student. Well, it was like one of those "If wala kang pencil, para kang sundalong pupunta sa giyera na walang baril." That just made me want to cover my ears because they always keep using the same analogy. Anyway, the anecdote I'm talking about is about how teachers prefer students who are not that bright but are hardworking than those students who have IQ's, higher than the average human, but do not really work for their grades. I used to think this was stupid because I was one of the lazy ones. Yes, I knew I could still pass and get high grades without having to work that hard. Woohoo!

Now, I get what that teacher said. I know people who do not have what it takes to do something and yet they strive and work very hard just to reach that goal. On the other hand, I also know people who have what it takes to be better and yet they do not act and became static people instead. I tried helping out people who didn't act on something and I secretly wished they would "improve." Who was I kidding?! I realized just recently that the people who really want the help are those who do not have the talent YET. There's this person I know. His family does not approve of the fact that he is in theatre and yet, he recently did a play because he really wanted to learn. I know he's not the best singer out there in the cast but what he did impressed me. He loved what he did and he went against the tide (parents/family) because he wanted it. These are the people who I really want to help to the point that I'll be the first one to feel bad if they do not succeed in their passion. What makes me feel better is when he tells me that he wants to be part of the next play. I really hope he does. Passion (it's not just wanting but actually going for it) always ranks higher than talent. I envy him because at such a young age, he did what he wanted and did not give in to what other people said. I wish I was like that... but yeah... no use crying over spilled milk.

I hope he becomes successful.

P.S. I suddenly felt insecure a while ago while singing. It did take some effort and a lot of convincing from my conscience to make me believe that I'm good. I'm good.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

A tribute to the best people in the world

KLEEK (Aye, Bym, Jay, Mian, Oli, Sab): I don't think I have anything else to say to these people. They're my heart and soul. We are the best group in the world. It's not perfect but each one is unique and I can't ask for anything else. We have our sabaw moments and we have our serious times. Even if we never are complete during lunch outs or dinners, we still stick together. Nothings going to stop us. Dominate!! Tagal ng shirt natin. Hahaha. To more sabaw moments and bonding times. I will miss everyone once I graduate. SERYOSO! I love the kleek. We gonna KLEEK IT 'TIL WE DIE.

Ratpack (Anix, Iggy, Jay, Mica, Pam, Svet): They're fun Bio people. Nothing can beat that. It's weird that all of them came from one block and I wasn't from theirs. It was only recently that we got to hang out. And the good thing is that when we do, we have fun. To more drinking sessions (wasakan!!). Can we do our thriller movie soon?! I'm excited.

Perfect With a Bonus (Ces, Jay, Lawrence, Pauline): I just met these guys and they're proving to be a promising bunch. I'm starting to get attached ata e. Nyek. They're sabaw and they get me to cut Philo for no apparent reason but to hang out. Yehey! I didn't really think they were the ones I will hang out with in the cast but who cares. They rock and we get to eat a lot and go on adventures. UP isaw, Shakey's ice cream, Hyenas, and Drinking. I look forward to hanging out with them and start knowing them more. Woohoo!!

Yeah, I did this 'cause I realized I'm fourth year. I'll be graduating soon and I'd be seeing all these people less. UNLESS I EXTEND which is 50% possible. We'll see. But as of now, I have a lot of work. Shucks.