Sunday, May 27, 2007

maybe it's better to just flirt

I guess it's better if I just flirt with girls. At least there's no commitment and no feelings of hurt since there was no attachment to begin with. Yesterday was pretty eventful...

1. signs na this person likes me
2. singing a duet with someone and people teasing me about it
3. bonding with someone who i told people as being my MCR
4. the bestfriend of the person in number one telling me na she thinks number one is the girl for me and that i'm the guy for number one

So yeah. Do I change my standards for this? Or do I just flirt since it's fun? Ewan. I don't like thinking about these things.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I hate feelings. They suck.

Is it true that there is that one person who we will always love no matter what we do? We love that person just because. It is unconditional and simple.

Today, I find myself having a hard time to write the words I want to express. When I am about to write a description of that feeling inside me, it transforms into something else. It transforms into something new. It's like this quark. It's either you can see it with your eye and follow it but not find its current location OR you can find its location but you won't be able to follow it. Basta, it's hard to explain. It's a feeling. And as we all know, feelings are hard to explain because they cannot be fully defined. All we can do is feel them.

So what's my problem? Well, who do I like more... I DON"T KNOW... that is my problem. I have a deal with Sab nga pala... we are losers. Hahaha. Woohoo!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Some realizations... all in a day.

Most of the time, I feel as if I have stopped developing as a person. Or maybe, it's just that the experiences that I experience (wow... malamang you experience experiences) are taken for granted. They just happen and I don't even dwell on them. This, in turn, stunts my growth as a person. It's like being a superhero but you don't know you have superpowers. Yeah, bad analogy but you get what I mean. How can you utilize something which you do not know you have. Haay... I realized this because I have to play this character who has experienced so many things in life. The problem about this is that I find myself having a hard time portraying this person (black dude from the ghetto... the closest I can be to this is if I go to tondo... and hoping I don't die after five minutes of being there). Now I feel sheltered.

Weirdly enough, that realization evolved into another realization. What you were as a kid will be who you are as an adult. I was such a goody-goody back in grade school and high school. (Don't freaking tell me that I just disproved my point). You have to understand that even if I try to be not so goody-goody, there is still a part of me that will stick to the base principles that I had as a kid. I remember something. I once realized that if something feels unnatural or weird, it means it's not you.

Last realization, people grow up and sometimes they do things that we don't expect them to do. I'm just shocked. Haha. No more details about it.

Monday, May 14, 2007

of goals and disappointments

So you've heard... or maybe not. I got into this play I auditioned for (no no no... not that friggin' TA play... i'm talking about the bluerep one). It's really fun since I got a role that I wanted and hey, i'm going to be in my element. So there... I'm happy. But even if I know I deserve this since (as trisha says) they haven't really seen my potential, I still feel like I just got it out of a technicality. I know we have the same style but he obviously has better skills.

Basta, I would have been okay with it if the artistic team didn't consider looking for people outside bluerep (since they think no one can do mitch). Or if ever they did, they shouldn't have let me do mitch's part na. So why did they even let me learn the song? Tae sila. If they think he deserves it more, then fine get him. I just don't want them suddenly feeling like they should have gotten him when we're already in the middle of the production. Damnit... I suddenly don't feel like I'm the ultimate choice anymore. Kasi naman e... how subtle can you get. If you tell the core about it, malamang I would know. Tae. I'm just really frustrated.

My past entry was about doing things with a smile pa naman. I have to do this with a smile. Hell, my castmates are great maybe except for one but you know what I mean. Step it up! Yeaboi!

Monday, May 07, 2007

a few realizations

So... in an attempt to try to do a lot of things, I think I am about to get myself into another dilemma. This has already happened in HSM and POC before. Damnit. I just wish that the schedule fits in.

Anyway, Kim Clijsters (a Belgian tennis player) just retired and I think I was affected by her farewell message. She said two things that I think are things that I should incorporate in my personal philosophy. First, she said, "I'm very happy to have met the people I did. That's always been the most important to me; forget the trophies and material things, friends are truly the most important." When I read it, I just realized that sometimes, I concentrate too much on the things that I want to achieve and have. I don't even realize how many people I have met and have become integral in my life. Sometimes, when you grow up, you would want to look back and see that you have achieved so many things. But I realized that looking back with other people is more important. Friends are important and the fact that you will grow up still being each other's friends is amazing.

Then, Kim Clijsters said that "
whatever you do, do it with a smile on your face." Then I thought about it. I would want to do that. I don't think I need to explain it. I just want to do it.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I wanna go...

Seriously, everyday that I live, I just want to get out of this house. I just want to emancipate myself from my parents for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, I think I'm only in this house because I need money. Other than that, there's nothing else. I hate staying in this house. But then again... no one's at home most of the time so oh well.

I just need an opportunity to be able to buy my own condo unit and I'm set.

By the way, I realize I do not work well in groups if it concerns academics. They hinder me from actually doing anything. The only group I work well with are the people in theater. Other than that, nakakaasar... ano ako leader? kaya nga groupwork e... dapat equal.

Mapapayosi ako nito e.

Anyway, nagaudition ako sa TA play kanina... I'm not expecting to get in... but if I do... why not. Then, I want to audition for the bluerep play rin.

Naaasar talaga ako ngayong araw. Tapos ang tagal pa dumating ng phone ko. Leche.