jumper

it is too much.
12 years of this can get to you.
as the years progress,
little by little,
hope starts fading away.

there is fear everyday.
fear that one day, things...
will just fall apart
then... a moment comes
a moment that creates that mind-click

no one would understand
you don't tell them anyway
there's no one to tell
so you go on and smile...
because that's what people want

at times, you show some of it
but you realize they cannot be part of this
they have their own things to deal with
then you pretend to recover
not knowing that it is a 12 year sadness.

i'm just really tired of the marathon.
i told them i wanted off the track.
all they can do was look.
they didn't expect this.
i am competitive anyway...

lessons from movement

Movement is instigated by conflict.
Without an event of change,
Without a turning point...
We remain stagnant.

Still.

Art is the media for expression.
Without expression,
Feelings rot and disintegrate inside.
Movement releases everything.

Deconstruct. Construct.

Milestones

Once in a while we stop and think about what has happened to our life so far. We look back and follow our journey from the point of our first memory to the point of now. We see how we have grown as a person, how people have come in and out of our lives, how we influenced and were influenced by what's around us, and how we ended up in our current lives.

Important among these realizations is that we are individuals bounded by the milestones of our journey. The turning points in our lives are the milestones... these are the times when we embarked on new adventures. These are the times when we grow, our people change, influences happen, and our current life changes direction.

Milestones. These are the moments which we now realize are ingrained in us. The reason why the future is never sure. Turning points will always be there... it's just a mater of who and what you pack in your bag to remain with you for the upcoming journey.

inconsistent appreciation

There is a balance that the world tries to impose. It invokes a sense of instability, mystery, and uncertainty.

At one point, everything is up against you and nothing is working out.
At another point, everything is up for you and everything just seems perfect.

Most do not appreciate the wonder of this balance. Most would prefer the "perfect" side of life. What they do not know is that constant perfection lead to certainty. Certainty leads to stagnancy. It's as if you have stopped living.

Life has somehow imposed that balance make us continue to live... to make sure we appreciate the little things, the valuable people, and everything else that we are faced with.

"I have learned to appreciate the uncertainty of things... the sudden inconsistencies... because once i get back to my normal state, there is better appreciation."